I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
