i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
