Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Randomize
