a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
