I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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