THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
