I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
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I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
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I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
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