how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My feet surprised me
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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