sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
