I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
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