Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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