I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
