Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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