Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
