That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
