Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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