She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
