Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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