Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
