Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
