I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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