I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
You just made me feel so damn special
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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