When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
