So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
