i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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