"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
