:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
