Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
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Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
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I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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