You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
