Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
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In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
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She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
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