I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
