Kiss
Puke
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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