After last night, I could never be a politician.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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