hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
