If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
