I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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