Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
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