Don't you send me to vm
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
