So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
