Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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