Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Randomize
