Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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