I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
