Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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