i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Edward fifth and chaser hands
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
