Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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