If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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