Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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