you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
