Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
