Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
