hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
