I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
