please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are two peas in an std pod
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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