i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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