don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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