He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
